


To Save A King

by emrystbh



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Anxiety Attacks, Depression, Established Relationship, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Suicidal Thoughts, hurt Arthur, if no one likes this i died in the thanos snap, mentions of self harm, sad Arthur
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-01
Updated: 2018-10-01
Packaged: 2019-07-23 04:32:28
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,906
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16151669
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/emrystbh/pseuds/emrystbh
Summary: Instead of having someone kill the king, why not have him kill himself.





	To Save A King

**Author's Note:**

> I was staring at gifs of Arthur's hands for like an hour which some how morphed into this.. this fic is dedicated to my twitter group chat semi colins uwuwu... Also, please, If you are sensitive to this type of material i stress that you do not read this.

 

The night was filled with joyful laughs and smiles as the first snowfall hit Camelot. Snowflakes filled the air, falling on the people and streets. The children threw snow at each other, laughing when one got hit in the face. Others stuck out their tongue to see how many snowflakes they can catch. Merlin watched from the window in the King’s chambers, he saw the servants bustling through the court-yard with their cloaks warmly wrapped around them. With his arms resting on the window seal, he saw Gwaine running wildly towards the castle, his red cape bellowing behind him. His hair was drenched and his face flushed. Elyan and Percival soon followed, both with armfuls of snowballs. Merlin laughed as Elyan’s snowball hit Gwaine in the head. “Idiots.” Merlin mumbled, his smile stretched wide.

“Talking to yourself again?” Arthur said, he closed the door behind him and made his way towards Merlin.

“Shut up,” Merlin scoffed, he laid his head on his arms and stared up at the night sky. The snow falling harder than just minutes before. Arthur smiled in response, he wrapped his arms around Merlin’s waist and laid his cheek against Merlin’s hair. They stood there watching the snow fall. Merlin turned his head a bit and pressed his lips to Arthur’s, both lazily kissing each other. Merlin pulled back with hooded eyes, a fond smile tugging at both their lips. “Isn’t it beautiful?” Merlin dreamily said looking back at the sky.

“It’s a pain in the ass is what it is.” Arthur rolled his eyes, he went to go sit by the fire. The flames instantly heating up his hands and face.

“Liar.” Merlin joined him, sitting in the chair next to his.

“Shut up,” Arthur smirked, Merlin scoffed and slumped in the char. “Don’t you have something to do?” Arthur asked, he kicked Merlin’s feet.

“Probably,” Merlin snorted. Arthur stared at him, his unnerving eyes bored into his. Merlin stared back unblinking.

“For the love of-“ Arthur sighed, “at least get us some food!”

“Eh,” Merlin said after a few seconds of silence, “kind of don’t want to.”

“Merlin!” Arthur exasperated, “I am the King!”

“Wow really!” Merlin sassed.

“Merlin.”

“Arthur.”

Arthur lets out a sigh. “Please get us some food, Merlin.” Arthur looked through his lashes, resembling a puppy.

“Fine,” He stood up, “but only because I love you.” Merlin tapped his nose, Arthur blushed, the tips of his ears turning an embarrassing shade of red. Merlin giggled and ran towards the kitchen.

 

-

 

Out in the forest far from Camelot, Morgana laid in her bed. The sun was rising over the hills, pink and blue hues of the morning lit up the sky. The wind howled through the cracks of her home, she shivered and pulled the blankets around her more. Staring blankly at the wall, she heard the crunch of the snow as someone made their way towards the door. Agravaine stepped through the door way, ducking his head in the process.

“What news do you bring me?” Morgana asked and stood up.

“The plan failed, Arthur still lives, “he regretfully informs her.

“How? The plan was flawless, he should’ve been killed!” Morgana says in hysteria. She loses control of her magic and a glass shatters.

“The assassin could not get Arthur alone, Merlin didn’t leave Arthur’s chambers until the early hours of the morning, by then the she was caught. She’s sits in the dungeons awaiting her death,” He solemnly said.  Morgana paces her hovel, hands in her hair as she tried to think of a way to kill her brother once and for all. Agravaine suddenly laughed, “This would be so much easier if Arthur would just kill himself, then we would not have to risk everything for a foolish girl.”

Morgana stopped. A feral smile gracing her face. “Agravaine, that is the smartest thing to have ever come out of that stupid mouth of yours,” Agravaine frowned. Morgana moved to her books, flipping through the pages. Minutes passed before she found something, she frowns, “It can be done, but it needs a source.”

“What do you mean?” Agravaine questions.

“He needs to wear something at all times for it to truly have an effect” Morgana stated.

“Like Jewelry?”

“Or an article of clothing, but its best if he doesn’t take it off.” Morgana smirked, “It says it will only work if the source holds a special meaning. The more specialty it holds the greater effect it has.” She read.

“What could he possibly-“ Agraviane stopped as he realized. Morgana’s smirk increased. “My sisters ring.”

“I’ve never seen him not wearing it,” She says. Morgana walks to one of the shelves and pulls out a purple liquid. “It’s a sleeping draught, dine with Arthur tonight and pour this into his drink. Make sure no one is to enter his rooms. I’ll meet you there at midnight,” She handed the bottle to him.

“How will you get inside?” He asks.

She smirks, “I’ll see you tonight.”

 

-

 

“You have been charged with treason, and until you tell me who put you up to this you are to be executed tonight,” Arthur stared at the girl, she looked no more than 20. She looked at Arthur, tears streaming down her face.

“Please,” She sobbed, “Please, I’m sorry,” More tears spilled down her cheeks.

Arthur sighed, he touched her shoulder, “tell me who,” he spoke softly.

She stared at Agravaine from the corner of her eye, her body freezing at the way he’s looking at her. “I can’t help you, if you don’t tell me,” she shook her head.

“I-I can’t, he’ll kill my family” She cried more, Agravaine smirked in the back.

“He?” His voice drowned out by her wails. He sadly sighed, “You will be executed tonight,” Arthur nodded at the guards, and she willingly went. Arthur slumped on the throne. “Dismissed,” he called out. Everyone filed out of the room, bowing respectfully as they went. Merlin watched as the last council member left and let out a sigh.

“How are you feeling?” Merlin asked.

“Like shit, if I’m being honest,” Arthur sighed, “Did I do the right thing?” He looked up at Merlin.

“I’ll go down and talk to her to see if she’ll say anything to me,” Merlin told him.

“Thank you, Merlin” Arthur nodded.

 

-

 

“Nicole Bridei, you have been charged with treason by trying to kill your King. By the laws of this land you are sentence to be hanged.” Arthur’s voice carried through the courtyard. The wind and his voice combined rattling the bones of many. Merlin pulled his cloak tighter around him and looked down. He felt like shit. She wouldn’t confess, she wouldn’t even say anything! Merlin swallowed the lump forming in his throat. Arthur glanced at him from the corner of his eye, he then turned his gaze back to Nicole, “Do you have anything to confess?” He tried to give her one last chance. She shook her head. Both Merlin and Arthur let out audible sighs, he nodded to the guards. They grabbed her arms and pulled her up the steps to the noose. The look of determination in her eyes outweighed the fear, they put her head through the rope and fastened the not. With one last nod, the lever was pulled and dropped. The crowd gasps, many looked away. Arthur closed his eyes and tried to breath against the queasiness filling his stomach. “Merlin,” He rasped out, and with that they fled to Arthur's chambers.  

Overcome by guilt, Arthur’s mood is sour by the time they reached his chambers, Merlin watched Arthur take the nearest object and throw it at the wall,  “Oh Arthur,” Merlin sadly sighed and reached out to grab his arm. He pulled Arthur into his lap and wrapped his arm around the King. Merlin held Arthur.

“I didn’t do the right thing,” Arthur softly said.

“Arthur-“

“No, I know I didn’t.”

“I wasn’t going to agree with you.”

“Oh.”

They sat in silence. Sometime later there’s a knock at the door, “Enter!” Arthur shouts but his voice muffled in Merlin’s neck. Merlin chuckled and raked his fingers through Arthur’s hair. Agravaine walked through the door and immediately scowled, Arthur peered up. “Good Evening, Uncle,” He greeted

“Arthur,” Agravaine stared at Merlin, “I wish to dine with you tonight,” He watched Merlin’s face morph into suspicion, “alone.”

“Is something the matter?” Arthur worried, he got up and walked towards his uncle.

“Everything is fine I assure you, I just wish to spend time with you,” He said.

“Of course. Merlin, dinner please,” He said while leading Agravaine to the table.

“Yes, Sire,” Merlin said, making his way towards the door while still glaring at the man. Agravaine smirked. Once the door closed he turned to his nephew. 

“Are you sure this is wise?” He voiced his concerns.

“Sorry?”

“You and the… serving boy,” Agravaine said in obvious disgust.

“He makes me happy.”  Arthur stated.

“Yes, yes, of course! I’m not saying that’s a bad thing. I’m merely only trying to say that, you’re the king and he’s… well a servant!” He exclaimed.

“That doesn’t matter.”

“Of course, just think about what I said. As your Uncle I just want to see you do the right thing, your Father would want the same.” Agravaine said. Arthur stared out him in concentration, a calculated look. The door slammed opened and Merlin walked in with trays of food. “Ah Merlin! Thank you, you can be on your way.” Agravaine said.

“Sire?” Merlin asked, he let Agravaine take the food from his arms.

“It’s fine Merlin, you’re dismissed.” Arthur grabbed his plate and started eating. Slowly, Merlin nodded and retreated towards the door, with one last glance at Agravaine, he opened the door and left.  

Agravaine filled both their wine goblets, then handed one to Arthur. He nodded in appreciation and took a sip from his. He took out the sleeping draught and started pouring it into his cup. 

 “What is that?” Arthur asked.

“Oh, Its pain medication. Gaius gave me some to put in my drink every night the help with my back.”  He easily lied.

“I didn’t know you had a sore back.” Arthur noted.

“It comes with old age.” He joked, both the men shared a laugh. Agravaine made a move to stand up but lets out a soft groan. “I hate to ask you this, but do you mind closing the window, there’s a bit of a draft?” He asked.

“Of course, Uncle.” Arthur happily complied. Agravaine switched out the goblets when his back turned. When Arthur sat back down, Agravaine was munching away on a chicken breast. He watched Arthur take a sip from his cup, the effect was immediate. His head dropped to the side and his cup fell from his hands. Agravaine stood up and dragged Arthur to his bed, he laid him down and awaited for Morganas arrival. By midnight, no one had bothered coming in. Morgana entered his chambers, her black cloak trailing behind her.

“Any troubles?” She asked, walking towards the bed.

“None at all my lady, the effect was immediate.” He answered. He watched as Morgana eased the ring off Arthur’s finger.

She held the ring in her hand a recited the enchantment “âstyrfan sê dôð rêsele, wealdan and dêaðwyrd sê synderlic wlite mâl!” The ring glowed, then went back to its original state. Morgana smirked at Agravaine and put the ring back on Arthur’s finger. They both watched Arthurs face morph into distress, his eyebrows pulled together. “The spell will start working once he wakes up.” With that, Morgana pulled her hood over her head and walked out of the room, and back to the dark forest. Agravaine smirked at the King, and simply left.

 

-

 

Merlin walked into Arthurs chambers with a skip in his step, he balanced the breakfast tray in his hands and kicked the door behind him, getting his cloak caught in the process. “Stupid thing,” Merlin grumbled and pulled it back, “Rise and shine my love! I’ve got your favorite this morning!” Merlin cheerily said. He watched the lump in the bed move further into the covers. “Oh c’mon don’t be like that,” Merlin laughed, he put the tray on the table and jumped on the body. He pulled the covers off Arthurs face and prepped his face with kisses, “Don’t be lazy, c’mon the day is young! We can go play in the snow, or hit Gwaine with more snowballs!” Merlin kissed his lips, Arthur didn’t kiss back, and he noticed and pulled back. He looked at Arthur’s face and noticed the swollen eyes and blotchy face, “What’s wrong?” Merlin worriedly asked, he cupped Arthurs face and wiped the tear tracks from his cheeks.

“I don’t feel good.” Arthur mumbled.

“I’ll go fetch Gaius.”

“No!” Arthur yelled, his breathing getting heavier.

‘No, no, I won’t it’s okay, breath for me love,” Merlin stroked Arthur’s cheek, “What’s going on?” Merlin softly asked.

“Hurts,” Arthur let a tear slide down his face.

“Hey, hey, what do you mean?” Merlin asked. Arthur let a sob rip through his throat, his body shaking. “Oh fuck,” Merlin worried his bottom lip between his teeth and held the sobbing king. “Please tell me, I don’t know how to help if you don’t tell me,” Merlin pleaded.

“My heart hurts.” Arthur said, putting his head in Merlin’s neck.

“I don’t understand.” Merlin said.

“It feels sad.”

“Your heart?”

“… and me.”

“You’re sad?”

“Yeah…” Arthur trailed off. Merlin thought for a moment.

“Well, nothing like a big breakfast won’t fix!” Merlin said, he got up from the bed and made his way over to the table.

“I’m not hungry,” Arthur mumbled and pulled the covers back over him. Merlin worried more.

“You need to eat.” Merlin said.

“mhm.”

“Arthur.”

No Answer.

Merlin sighed and walked over to the bed, he pulled the blankets back, “Let’s do something fun today then,” Merlin persuaded.

“No.”

“No?”

“I don’t think I can get up,” Arthur mumbled.

“Huh?”

“The thought of getting up and doing shit makes me want to throw up.”

“You can’t just lie in bed all day!” Merlin exclaimed.

“I’m the King, I can do whatever I want.” Arthur said.

Merlin sighed, looked at the food on the table, uneaten. Merlin sighed some more. He toed off his shoes, shed his cloak and slid under the covers. Arthur rolled over and put his head on Merlin’s chest and draped his arm over his stomach. Merlin wrapped his arms around his waist and sighed in content. They stayed like that all day, fading into sleep a few times. The only disturbance they had was Gwaine running into the room and throwing snowballs at them, that was the only time Arthur smiled that day.

 

-

 

The next morning was harder than the day before, Merlin woke up to find Arthur curled in on himself. He was violently shaking, his breath intake was sharp, “Arthur?” Merlin groggily said. Arthur’s sobbing turned into screams, and started clawing at his face. “Oh god, Arthur,” He tried pulling Arthur's hands Away, blood was dripping from the scratches. “What the fuck! Stop it!” Merlin frantically pulled Arthur into is chest. Arthur starts pounding at his chest.

“Let me go!” Arthur's sobbing quiets as his breathing grows more erratic.

“No, Stop fighting me!”

“Please, I-I need-“

“Shhhh, breathe.”

“I can’t!”

“Yes you can.”

Arthur choked on his breath. Merlin held back his tears as he grabs Arthur’s fingers to put on his pulse.

“Feel my heart beat, yeah? Good, now, breathe with me,” Arthur shakes his head, “Yes.”

Arthur tried to match his breathing to Merlin’s

“That’s it, steady now,” Merlin encouraged. Soon Arthur’s breathing was back to normal. “Better?” Merlin asked. “How are you feeling?”

“I feel light-headed,” Arthur rasps out.

“Lie back, I’ll get you some water.” Merlin got out of bed and went to the water pitcher and filled up a goblet. He came back with the cup and put it near Arthur’s lips, “drink, slowly,” Arthur grabbed the cup and took a few sips. He set the cup down and laid back down. Merlin cupped Arthur's face and ran his thumbs along the inflamed scratches, wiping some dry blood in the process. Arthur winces. “What happened?” He asks.

“I don’t know, I felt like something was weighing my chest down when I woke up. And then there were voices, and I guess I just panicked.” Arthur shrugged and tried to pull Merlin close to him.

“Voices? He asked. Arthur nods and rubs his face reopening the wounds, “I’ll get a wash cloth,” Merlin said and pulled away. “Did these voices say anything?” Merlin asks as he makes he was over to the wash bowl to wet a rag.

“Yeah…” He hesitantly says. Merlin comes back with a wet cloth and gently starts wiping his face.

“What did they say?”

Arthur remains silent.

“Please tell me.”

Silence.

Merlin sighs and continues washing his face, moments pass before Arthur even says anything.

“They told me I should die… and ways I could… kill myself.” He mumbles. Merlin stops washing his face and stares at him.

“I’ll go get Gaius,” Merlin scrambles to the door.

“No! Merlin, please.” Arthur begs. Merlin stares at him.

“Okay,” Merlin agrees, he walks back over to Arthur and allows him to pull him on the bed. Arthur curls towards him. “You can’t just spend all day in bed again,” Merlin says, he pulls Arthur closer to him.

“I can and I will.”

 

-

 

Merlin’s stomach starts rumbling towards midday, he shakes Arthur awake. “Wha-“ He blinks blearily up at Merlin.

“Move over, I’m getting food.” Merlin pushes Arthur over.

“nngh.” He mumbles and clings on to Merlin.

“Just because you refuse to eat doesn’t mean that I won’t eat.” He says standing up.

‘I’m not refusing to eat, I’m just not hungry.” He mumbles into the pillow.

“Great! I’ll remember that.”

“Shut up Merlin.” Arthur grumbles, Merlin laughs. He opens the door and looks behind him, hesitant to leave the man alone. With a shake of his head he leaves and closes the door behind him. On his way to the kitchens he runs into Leon.

“Ah Merlin! Haven’t seen you these last few days, you missed the snowball fight yesterday.” Leon laughs.

“Gwaine made sure I didn’t miss it.” Merlin laughs with him.

“I sure as hell didn’t, you weren’t going to bail on us at that easy!” Gwaine walks up being Merlin and slings an arm around his shoulders. “Got him and princess as they were in bed.” Leon smirks.

“Is that right?” He smirks slyly.

“We were just lying in bed!” Merlin exclaims with a blush.

“Of course!” Gwaine laughs, “Where is he anyways, we haven’t seen him out?” Merlin’s mood instantly drops, “Merlin?” He questions.

“He’s not… he’s not doing well, I’m not sure what’s wrong. I-I mean he was fine a few days ago… but yesterday he was so- and god today! Oh my god.” Merlin’s hands find their way into his hair. Gwaine grabbed one of his shoulders, Leon grabbed the other.

“Merlin, what’s going on?” Leon calmly asked.

“Can you two check on him please, I’m heading down to the kitchens now,” Merlin asked of them.

“Of course,” Leon patted his shoulder and walked towards Arthurs chambers, Gwaine gave him an encourage smile and soon followed. Merlin let out a relived breath and made his way towards the kitchen. Once he walked into the kitchen the head cook instantly stared screaming at him.

“Oi! Where have you been! The King’s shirt has been hanging in here for two days!”

“Been busy,” he responded as he grabbed some bread and cheese. She grabbed the shirt and threw it at him. Merlin pulled the shirt off his head and glared at the cook, when her back was turned he saw a spoon and whispered a spell, “Forþ fleoge!”  It hit her on the side of the head.

“Who threw that?!” She demanded, with a snicker he ran out of the kitchen with a platter and the shirt. Halfway to Arthur he hears his voice being screamed. It becomes louder.

“Merlin!”

“Merlin!”

“Gwaine?” Merlin yells back, Gwaine rounds the corner, his face ashen.

“It’s Arthur.” He says.

“What’s wrong? What’s happened?” Gwaine’s face paled even more. They both started running towards his chambers, Merlin could hear Arthur's sobs grow louder with each step he took. Once he reached the door he wasn’t prepared for the sight in front of him. Leon cradled Arthur in front of the bed, a bloody dagger only a few feet away from them. One of Arthur's arm is laid out beside him, the other is held towards his chest, and on both arms his wrist have gashes. Merlin didn’t register Arthur’s voice profusely apologizing.

“I-I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to, to cut so deep! Please you have to believe me!”

Merlin only heard the ringing in his ear. He was losing so much blood.

_Don’t let him die._

_Don’t let him die._

_Don’t let him die._

Merlin fell to his knees beside Arthur, he too one of his arms and held it. “Why?” Merlin whispered, brokenly.

“The voices, they, they t-told me.” Arthur sobbed out.

“I don’t give a damn about the voices, Arthur! You picked up the dagger-“

“Merlin.” Leon said sternly.

Merlin tried to swallow the lump forming in his throat, but he couldn’t. He let out a broken sob, tears fell freely down his face as he pulled Arthur from Leon and held him. They cried, both equally unsure what to do. Gwaine burst through the doors with Gaius in toe. Merlin looked up in surprise, and immediately was grateful.

“Gaius thank god,” Merlin breathed out.

“How long has he been like this?” He questions

“It started yesterday.”

“Bring him to the bed, Gwaine, get me some cloth and salve please.” Gwaine nodded and left, “why didn’t you tell me sooner.” He scolds Merlin as soon as they put Arthur on the bed.

“He told me not to!”

“It doesn’t matter if he told you not to!”

“I’m sorry” Arthur rasps out.

“Shhh, its okay love, just lie back,” Merlin says petting his hair.

Gwaine comes back with salve and cloth, Agravaine follows.

“Thank you Gwaine” Gaius says.

“What’s happening.” Agravaine demands, he sees the state Arthur is in and puts up a front, “Oh my boy, what have you done.” Merlin notices his lips start to twitch, he narrows his eyes.

“It seems Arthur has hurt himself,” Gaius concludes.

“I just want to die. I- I just want-“ Merlin shushes him. Gaius cleans up the blood, puts the salve on and starts to bandage up Arthur wrists.

Unknown to the rest of them, Agravaine sees the ring glint in the fire light and smiles, he watches everything unfold. One day it will be too late, Merlin might not be there in time to save his precious king. Soon, he hopes, that Morgana will take her rightful place on the throne. Agravaine backs out of the room, on his was to tell Morgana that the plan was working. Merlin watched him walk away, wanting nothing more than to follow him. In the back of his mind he knew Agravaine had something to do with this, but for now he needed to be there for Arthur, as he will be, forever and always.


End file.
